letter 35: fake it till you make it

octavia butler is one of the people i look up to most in the literary world for obvious reasons, but another thing i admire about her was her unwavering belief in her talents and the power of manifestation.

hi lovelies,

it’s been a while, i know. how are you? how has life been treating you?

i’ve been in somewhat of a creative cave as i navigate trying to launch different projects before the end of the year. which, by the way, isn’t it wild to think that september is almost over and there are only a few months left of the year?!

time flies.

it really does, and that’s why i’ve become more diligent about putting some action behind my ideas, because if not now, when?

admittedly, i’ve been ebbing and flowing between full presence and dissociation as life continues to expose more levels to the healing journey i’ve embarked on. i’m going to therapy again and uncovering lots of themes/events/thoughts that have been in the shadows. i’m grateful to have the opportunity and access to do this kind of soul work, but it’s challenging me in ways i couldn’t have prepared for tbh.

this brings me to the topic of today’s newsletter.

i’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “fake it till you make it”, but have you ever tried to actually embrace that attitude? it’s fun! beyond it being fun, it’s…liberating. i deeply believe that the alter ego(s) (i use alter ego and higher-self interchangeably) we play with isn’t just a character, but instead, the manifestation of a real part of us that wants to take center stage.

realizing that life genuinely is a reflection of our inner world (*for the most part*) and that at any moment we can decide to embody a more courageous/bold/carefree version of ourselves feels like the ultimate hack. but, like everything in life, there’s another side to this.

conflict.

the turmoil arises when the inner doubts led by the current version of ourselves creep up and get in the way of believing that our higher-selves don’t deserve to take up space. at times, our inner monologue might convince us that believing that life can look different despite not seeing proof of it yet is a waste of time, or even worse, impossible.

this is the dynamic i’ve been straddling throughout the past year.

it’s safe to say that in some way we’re all pushing through challenges and battles that many may not know about, and along the way we are required to put in a lot of effort in order to remain hopeful.

there are days where i feel so silly for having really believed that moving abroad solo and attempting to make my dreams come true as a creative who is navigating a treacherous job market with…no back up plan could be possible. but, then, there are days when i align with an opportunity or meet a magical person that reminds me that my alter ego is tapped into an intuitive knowing that will never steer me astray.

since opening up about my divorce, i’ve received dm’s from women asking how i pushed through the tough shit, and i always say that it’s not me-it’s my higher self; she takes control during the moments that require the most courage. so, if she’s gotten me this far, why should i stop believing in her now?

although it’s very difficult to fully embody, i have chosen to consciously believe everything my highest self tells me. i’m putting into place every measure possible to prevent the negative thoughts from taking over because tbh, life is lived so much better when you’re a bit delulu. less stress. less worry. less overwhelm.

just unwavering faith that the universe/god is speaking through my alter ego. and, idk about you, but life is already tough enough as it is. a bit of delusion, faith, and a deep spiritual connection with source is probably exactly what we all need right now.

wishing you wellness,

cat

p.s. I LAUNCHED A YOUTUBE CHANNEL!!! so far, i’ve been posting guided journaling sessions in hopes of helping to kickstart your writing practice, but very soon, i’ll be posting more heart-to-heart chats about the lessons i’m integrating. it’d mean a lot to me if you subscribed and joined me in my latest venture.

p.p.s. this newsletter is switching over from a bi-weekly offering into a monthly one instead—you’ll see why very soon! 😉

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1. *free* 15 min evening wind down guided journaling session led by moi

2. *free* 15 min body scan guided journaling session led by moi

3. *free* 40 min post-therapy decompression guided journaling session led by moi

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5. sober curious? here are a list of books to help you navigate your sobriety

6. financial strain is impacting friendships and we should be mindful of it

7. have you heard of the 3-2-8 method?

8. turmeric is as badass as everyone claims it to be

9. unpacking the meaning of ‘inner child work’

10. are you familiar with the mind gardening concept?

11. studies are proving that weight training positively impacts skin health